Coming to Terms

In January, shortly before my twenty-fourth birthday, I was diagnosed with ADHD predominately inattentive type.

I haven't posted much publicly about my diagnosis, except for maybe the occasional fleeting mention of it when talking about something else. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe because I didn't really want to seem like I was trying to make excuses... but I suppose, it doesn't make much sense to try to deny the reality of it all just because a few people in the world might not approve of or agree with the label that was stuck in my medical records.

It's something that I am still, by far and large, trying to come to grips with.

In some ways, having a name to describe some of one's shortcomings (and perhaps some of their strengths as well) doesn't really change anything. I still am who I am. I'm still introspective to a fault. I'm still easily distracted by the strangest little things. I'm still no good at having conversations with more than one person at a time.

In other ways, suddenly having this label that describes your state of being so accureately is somewhat liberating. It provides the explaination that allows me to let go of the negative labels I've always associated with my sense of self... Lazy... Unreliable... Disorganized... Let down... Fraud... Failure.

I am not a failure, goddamnit.

It's not an easy road to walk, but for once I am beginning to feel comfortable within my own skin. By recognizing how my brain naturally processes things and utilizing the strengths I have and asking for help with my weaknesses, I am empowered in ways I have never been before.

I have my good days, days where I accomplish everything on my plate and then some. I have my bad days, days where I feel like I spent more time staring at the wall and thinking about all the might have beens that I cannot change. But I suppose, that's what it is to be human.... and these days the good ones outnumber the bad.